Great to see all the solidarity with Gary Lineker today. 🥅⚽️🏃

New #MOTD line-up announced.

It’s only an Oxford comma if you’re writing in Oxford, everywhere else it’s an arbitrary rule designed to ostracise the proletariat.

I must admit, I won’t be shedding any tears if onions run out. apple.news/A1Kz9_0CU…

This is such a nonsense story from The Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/technolog…

Loads of people, not just Gen Z, struggle with office printers and the like (I’m firmly in the avoid work printers camp), and plenty of employees click random pop-ups, regardless of age and work experience, just ask any IT service desk.

I was a big fan of the 80s Dungeon and Dragons cartoon, but who is paying nearly £30 for action figures?

After many years of service, my keyboard has lost the use of its ‘z’ key. Suggestions for decent, but not too pricey, #Mac #keyboards are welcome.

Arthur C. Clarke said any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. #ChatGPT is magic masquerading as advanced tech.

A reminder to anyone posting about the murder charges. Anything you post could affect the trial, and nobody wants that. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2…

I don’t have anything profound to add to this, other than how horrible it is a young person was murdered whilst just living her life. www.warringtonguardian.co.uk/news/2332…

I tried watching Top Gun Maverick. Managed 24 minutes before turning off. The smarm just got too much. 📽

Let’s petition parliament to serve nothing but porridge for a month. We can call it the ‘Lee Anderson’ menu.

The Guardian

I might not have the advantage of being the shortest-lived PM ever, but I think if I had to defend why my flagship economic policy failed I wouldnt use ‘I didn’t know how the markets worked’ as my excuse.

www.theguardian.com/politics/…

Watching the United highlights from yesterday on Now TV, and it looks like it was filmed using an iPhone 3GS.

Aldi’s 2017 LBV port gets better with every glass. 🍷

Once again, I’m impressed by the efficiency and friendless of the NHS.

I’m ‘nil by mouth’ from midnight, in preparation for a blood test. Which means snacks before bedtime so I don’t get too hungry in the morning.

He’s only going because he got found out. If the tax story had stayed secret there would be no sacking. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2…

If you’re looking for port recommendations, Aldi’s 2017 LBV is a bargain.

It’s Little Sebastian on Masked Singer!

Krayston felt their head slamming against a wall. The woozy swaying and lapse in concentration were common effects of the BTG drive dropping a spaceship, with several hundred battle-ready soldiers, on the edge of an alien solar system, but this was the first time Krayston had experienced it. It hurt.

“Troops, we have arrived in Sector T163G.”, blared the tannoy, “We will enter orbit around the fith planet in 59 minutes. Prepare for ground assault.”

There was no time for silence to hang in the air, before another voice bellowed.

“You heard the instructions.', the troop commander’s voice, and broad shoulders, did not allow for other opinions, “Get your gear, and get into position. Now!”

++++

20 Minutes later, Krayston stood in the drop bay with their eyes boring holes in the ship’s hull. A voice to their left made their eyebrow twitch.

“First fight rookie?” said a grizzly voice.

“Finished my basic training 10 minutes before the ship took off.”, Krayston’s eyes stayed focused on the hull.

“Ain’t that a thing! We’ll be taking them straight from the womb next.”

From the front end of the bay came the unmistakable roar of the troop commander, “Keep your mouths closed back there. The only thing you should be doing is deciding how many 63 Gees you’re going to kill.”

Krayston stiffened, the grizzled voice carried on talking.

”What’s he going to do rookie? Tell us we can’t go and fight today for being naughty?”

Krayston allowed a slight smile to form on their lips.

“You been fighting long, old-timer?”

“The rookie can talk! I’ve been fighting so long, when I started the 63Gs were on our side.”

That wasn’t right

“What do you mean, ‘on our side’?”

The tannoy spoke again, “10 Minutes till orbit.”

Across the ship, in each hanger, buckles were tightened, stances were adjusted, and breathing was sharpened.

“What made you sign up rookie?”, asked the grizzled voice with genuine interest.

“Defending the Earth.”, Krayston left a slight pause, “I’m from Upper Scotland, not many opportunities to do anything else.”

“And when you joined up, who were we fighting?”

“The 63Gs.”

“And when you were at school, who were we fighting?”

“The 63Gs.”, Krayston said firmly.

“Oh, they got you good rookie.”

Krayston looked left at the grizzled voice. Piercing blue eyes, surrounded by a map of scars and wrinkles, met their gaze.

“We’ve always been at war with the 63Gs.”

“Have we now?”

“Quiet up front!”

The crunching footsteps of the troop commander were approaching.

“You think back to being a kid, rookie.”, the grizzled voice spoke faster the closer the footsteps came, “Forget your basic training and think.”

“That’s enough Sanjev!”, the troop commander was so close Krayston shuddered.

“Sorry Commander. I was just helping the rookie here remember who we’re fighting.”

“Listen sharp you two!”, the commander’s eyes moved from one to other, “It’s not who you’re fighting against, it’s who you’re fighting for! Earth! Do you understand?”

“Yes sir!”, said the soldiers in unison.

“Earth tells us who to fight and why, understand?”

“Yes sir!”, said the soldiers in unison.

“And if Earth tells me to fight my own grandmother, my only questions are ‘Where is she?’ and ‘When do I start?’. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir!”, said the soldiers in unison.

++++

When they ran onto the planet’s surface, Krayston’s first thought was how quiet it was. Then a siren screeched and the battle unleashed. The 63Gs moved fast, having six legs had advantages, and Krayston struggled to move in the heavy gravity and spongy soil.

Basic training hadn’t spent much time on how to fight in heavy gravity and spongy soil, instead it spent the days stamping into the cadets the need to defeat the 63Gs. The same message Krayston had been told daily at school, and saw on the news reports at home.

Soldiers fired ballistics across the landscape. In reply the 63Gs filled the atmosphere with sonic bombs. One thrust of air knocked Krayston to the ground, leaving him breathless and struggling to stand.

The old soldier had told Krayston to think back to their childhood. School began every morning with Earth Pledge, then the numeracy and literacy classes, before finishing with history. A chronological explanation of Earth’s expansion to the stars; including meeting aliens, making alliances, and defending Earth’s interests.

The 54s were allies, the 63Gs were enemies. The 54s were allies, they gave Earth the map of the stars. The 63Gs destroyed the 54s in retaliation. The 63Gs wanted to wipe out Earth next.

Krayston wriggled onto their knees and filled their lungs with air.

The 63Gs met Earth first and gave us the map of the stars. They were fighting the 54s and asked for our help. Together every 54 planet was left barren. Then the 63Gs turned on Earth.

The after-effects of the sonic bomb ricocheted through Krayston’s mind, blurring the memories. Versions of history meshed together; but which was the truth, and did it matter?

“My only questions are ‘Where is she?’ and ‘When do I start?’”

Krayston held on to what was important. Earth said who to fight, and why. Earth was to be defended. They stood tall, and joined the good fight.

You really can’t rely on Spurs for anything. ⚽️

A frosty start to the morning.

Well, could have been a worse result. ⚽️

Is this it for third-party Twitter clients?